4/21/16 TGIT

TGIT doesn't mean Thank God It's Thursday.  I have a page-a-day calendar on my desk at work.  It is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Dr. Richard Carlson.

Today it says: Members of the Thank God It's Friday (TGIF) club focus primarily on the weekend.  But the Thank God It's Today (TGIT) club are happy seven days a week because they understand that every day is unique, and each brings with it different gifts.

What a great thought.  It goes along with this sentence that I read last night in Spontaneous Happiness by Dr. Andrew Weil:  Emotional well being must come from within, because reaching external goals often disappoints.

Thank God it is Today.  I am grateful that I get to walk another day on earth.  I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life, my job, my home.  I am grateful that I have enough to eat, so there is no reason to feel deprived and overeat.

Even OA For Today was inspirational: One day at a time, I can continue to surrender my lack of control to God and receive in return the freedom to enjoy all the good things of life, in moderation.
For Today: I readily admit I have no self-control when it  comes to eating.  God can and does, however, do for me what I cannot do for myself.

*****
On the stitching side of life...I took my ice crystals to Michael's to get framed.  Even with 65% off it was $100.00.  I am almost done with my tribal rooster for my friend and then that may be the last thing I have framed.  It is just too expensive.  I will have to invest time in watching videos online and learn how to do my own framing.

Have a happy day.

Wed 4/20/16

My husband is on day 3 of his 2 week work trip.  I am always thinking I will get so much done when he is gone but I really don't.  I just seem to sit and enjoy the peace and quiet.  By the end of the two weeks I will be wishing he would come home.

Last night I finally painted on the mat for my ice crystals project.  I am taking it to Michael's tonight after work to get it framed.  I was going to spray shellac a metal sign that was made for us too.  But I couldn't find the can of shellac.  My husband must have moved it or packed it.  The sign is done in a chalk paint and it will rub off so I want to shellac it to preserve it.  One more place to search tonight before I give up and pack the sign up as it is..

I have some packing to do this week also.  I really need to get that done.  I want to go to the National Zoo on Saturday and I can't do that if I haven't finished packing up my book shelves and craft containers.

I finished another book today.  Very fast read.  Prisoner in the Kitchen by William Bonham.  It is his experiences as a kitchen supervisor in a prison in Montana.

OA for Today: There is no greater triumph than feeling good about myself.

On the OA call this morning, one woman shared this thought: The number on the scale does not define me.   I really like that.  There was a lot of shares on gratitude too.  Made me realize that I have an immense amount of things to be grateful for in my life.


I hope you have peace and love in your day today.

Monday 4/18/16 Tax Day

It is tax day.  I finally did ours about a month ago.  I put it off for two reasons.  First, I hate doing them. And secondly, we always have to pay in a HUGE sum of money.  We don't own our own home and we have no children so we have no deductions.  Then we both work.  We have extra taken out of our paychecks for federal taxes but it is still not near enough.  Sometime I feel like we like we are personally paying off the national debt.

I hardly slept last night.  I sometimes dread coming to work with M (the bigot).  Last week she said something so offensive to me that it bothered me all weekend.  I forgot she wasn't working today so I fretted last night for no reason.  Should be a lesson learned in there for me.  Worry doesn't solve anything.  My husband left this morning for two weeks.  I may just be in bed as soon as I get home tonight.

I finished another book.  It was When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin.  I love when a book makes me laugh out loud.  This one actually brought me to tears a couple times.  Only one other book has ever made me cry.  It was called the Alphabet Sisters.  I normally don't recommend books since everyone's tastes are so different but this was a very good read.

I worked quite a bit on my tribal rooster this weekend.  I'm not sure if I will get back to it much this week.  I have some packing to do and I bought some paint to work on getting the mat for my last piece ready for framing.  Here is my rooster.

Peace and Love

4/14/16 Thursday

Yesterday morning when we got to our subway stop (on the way to work) the exit we go out was all blocked off.  So we had to walk to the other end of the metro station.  When we got above ground.  I had absolutely no idea which direction to go to get to work. Nothing looked familiar.  I would have gone in the one direction but my husband was sure we needed to go in the opposite direction.  It is a good thing he was with me. We were about 2 1/2 blocks away from our normal exit. When we get into DC it is still very dark outside.  I was so turned around.  Without him I can't imagine where I would have ended up and how long it would have taken me to get to work.

Also yesterday at work, I was carrying a large box of supplies to put away in the storage/break room and I tripped over the stool.  Oh My Gosh, as I was starting to fall, the panic in my head was amazing.  Because of my new hip, falling is really not recommended (LOL).  I didn't fall, I twisted myself enough to catch myself.  I hurt this morning.  My one leg and foot hurt from getting tangled in the stool.  My new hip leg hurts above the hip like I twisted the muscle.  I truly hope it is just muscle pain.  I think I am the most uncoordinated person I know.

My husband had late meetings at work and since we car pool together, I had to wait in the car for almost 2 hours.   That and the subway commute allowed me to read To Have and To Kill by Mary Jane Clark.   It was a very fast read.  This was book 1 in her Wedding Cake series.

I did stitch a little bit last night too.  Living in apartment, there really isn't a whole lot to do.

My husband is leaving Monday morning for 2 weeks.  He has training at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Camp.  He is looking forward to it.  I love him dearly but I too am looking forward to some time alone.  I plan to pack some of my stuff that I am not using to get ready for the move.  I also want to spend one day of the weekend that he will be gone at the National Zoo.

Have a wonderful day.

Daily Scripture: God made you alive.—Eph. 2:1.

Wed 4/13/16

I just finished reading Still Life with Bread Crumbs by Anna Quindlen.  It was a pretty fast read.  I enjoyed it.  I have been reading a lot lately.  I think it is a means of detaching from the world.  Sometimes it is just nice to escape into a book.  I have read 23 books so far this year.  Not sure if that is a large number or normal.  It amazed me.

We are getting closer to our move date.  5 more months.  I have started a list of things to do and when they are due by.  The feeling of having so much to not forget was getting overwhelming.  We still haven't told our employers yet.  I am going to break the news to my boss on Friday morning.  This is the best job I have ever had but I am ready to move "back home" to Wisconsin.

I haven't been stitching very much.  Here is my tribal rooster.  I am farther than this picture shows but I forgot to take a new picture.  This is for a friend of mine I hope she likes it.

I was watching a Minnesota Public TV show clip online about my hometown in WI.  They interviewed lots of people and businesses.  The woman who use to do my framing has a new shop that I didn't know about so I am excited about that.  I was fretting a bit about how I would get my stuffed framed when we move.   Many of the interviews were with my past co-workers and even my old boss.  It made me homesick and I felt tears building a little bit.

My eating isn't out of control right now but I know I have not been making very good choices.  I eat a small salad at lunch and a bag of potato chips. (not a full size bag)  I have a potato chip problem.  It is an addiction.

Friday, 4/1/16

I had an email this morning from GNC.  Advertising doughnuts that are fat burning.  So I click on it to see what the calorie count is and how much sugar there is and it pops up April Fool's.  To good to be true.  LOL

I did not have any thoughts of anger and resentment yesterday but I did have the bad dreams of my ex hunting me down and vandalizing my life.  I need that to stop!

OA For Today: Today I value the good opinion of my fellow humans but, good or bad, what others think cannot diminish the good feelings I have about myself.

OA Voices of Recovery:  Step Four: Make a fearless and searching inventory of ourselves.

It is month end at work and I have a ton of stuff to do.

Thank  you God for all my blessings.

Happy thoughts today.

Thursday 3/31/16

Yesterday's OA For Today reading was about anger. It ended with For Today: Sanity is not how well I can hide my anger; it is having no need to react to people, places and things by becoming angry.

I spent a good amount of time thinking about that yesterday.  In the beginning of 2007 I was in the process of a divorce and it was nasty.  I was married to a man that refused to work.  He had been unemployed for over 10 years.  We had been married 25 years.  And all of a sudden the man that owned the bank I worked at sold it to a large bank conglomerate.  So after 28 years of dedicated service, being on call 24/7, I was jobless.  He made millions from the sale and I got a very small bonus.  Which I had to give to my ex-husband because of the marital property laws in Wisconsin that say the party being divorced has the right to be kept in the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.  So after the house I had paid for had been sold (I had to give that money to my ex too) I moved 1000 miles away.  Oh boy was there anger.  I have never been a skinny person but I had this freedom and all this anger and I ATE.  I put on 60 more pounds.  The anger and resentment lasted for years.    I'm not as angry anymore but I am still scared of my ex.  I still do have resentment too.  I just can't seem to let it go.  I NEED to let that go.  I feel like I am a good person and to get stabbed by "the system" and the men in my life (at the time) really sent me into a deep resentment.  I look back on 2008 and can see now how I was stuffing my face like a crazy person.  All that has done is damage my body.

I have to find happiness.  I must let go of this resentment.  I still have bad dreams about my ex.  They went down a bit for a while but now that we are moving back to Wisconsin, in the fall, the dreams have started again.  I really believe given the opportunity my ex would run me over with his car. Scares the heck out of me.  So many emotions to let go of.  Today's For Today: I turn my life over to my Higher Power and in return I receive the full use of my God-given potential.

How true is that.  I have a good life.  A good husband.  A great job.  I am a good person. I do not need this anger and resentment.

In today's OA's Voices of Recovery:Are we afraid to express ourselves, to tell others how we feel?  I have an emotional and physical disease with a spiritual solution.  Hiding my feelings from myself and others is certainly one of the roots of my illness.  Each time I pick up my pen to write (or type), I move myself along the path of freedom, awareness, acceptance love and recovery.

As I was pondering all this today, I realized that I have anger and resentment for a really long time.  My mother was abusive and living with her was horrible.  Not as bad as some children have it.  She was verbally abusive.  By the time I had turned 18 and moved out on my own I had no self esteem. She told me I was ugly, stupid and would amount to nothing for nearly all those 18 years.  So I can see now why I have always had eating issues.  Discussing my feelings would have NEVER been a good thing to do as a kid.  That would have been fuel to her fire.  I have not learned how to properly express my feelings.  The fear of being attacked for who I am is a huge fear.

I have so many thoughts running through my head today.  It is going to be hard to concentrate on work.

I am off to think happy thoughts.........