2/20/16 Saturday

Yesterday was a good day food wise.  I was very busy at work. I like to be busy but not stressed busy.  I am
still catching up on 5 weeks of being gone.  I have a ton of filing but as I file I am making sure all the dues are posted to the right account, and all the invoice have been paid, etc.

This morning I was up and grocery shopping and back home before 9:30am.  Just took my sweet time too.  Since I have been home I am mostly goofing off.  I did find a job opening in a community bank in the town we will be moving to in August.  I was in banking 28 years before moving to the east coast.

Here is today's detox:

                                                  I Let Go Of:

Fear of {spiders, heights, failing, succeeding, people...} – Allowing fear to hold me back in many areas of my life. 

 Pivot:

I am stronger than my greatest fears. Fear is nothing more than the story we tell ourselves to keep us in the unhealthy, although familiar, patterns we have created. It is simply an obstacle we have created in our own minds. When we fight our fears, they chase us our entire lives. When we face our fears, we are free our entire lives. Interesting concept.  But I can see a couple spots in my life where this is absolutely true. The choice is ours.

 Affirmation:

False Evidence Appearing Real: “Fear is nothing more than the story we tell ourselves to keep us in the patterns which we have created.”

 Action:

Today, I choose to face one of my fears, big or small. I will no longer give it the power over me. I will share with someone the fear I am facing and what step I am willing to take in order to take my power back from the fear that I have so freely given to. I will take action today and let go of the False Evidence Appearing Real … I will create a new reality TODAY and will replace that fear with FAITH!

 Personal Experience:

I am afraid that I am truly just not worthy of love. That is a very true sentence for me.  I think growing up with a mother that called me useless, stupid, ugly may have had a lot to do with that.  I have a fear that says I am not good enough. I have created stories within myself to confirm that I have no value and/or worth. That I do not deserve love or success!! I have looked for experiences with other people, within my work environment, within my intimate relationships, within my family … to validate this truth for me. A truth that I have created within my own mind. I look for any experience that I can manipulate into seeing from my lack mentality, so I can create the evidence that says… “See I am right - I am not loveable, I am not worthy, no one cares, so why should I?” Today I am re-writing my story ­– and it is one of success!! I am willing to face these fears that tug at me and allow myself to achieve all of who I am meant to be. As I was updating my resume today, I realized that I am not a loser, I have done well.

 Journal Questions:

What stories are playing out in your head to support your fears?  More of a mantra..you can't do anything right, you are such a loser.

Are you creating scenarios that come from a place of lack, pain and judgement so you can be right?

Has your fear taken away your power?  Yes. I think that is another reason why I get paralyzed into NON action and procrastination. 

What can you do to release those fears?  Follow the Nike ads and JUST DO IT!