2/16/16 Tuesday

I didn't go to work today.  We had an ice storm and I am not that stable on my feet yet.  I feel really guilty though.
It is hard to believe this month is already half over.  Because this is going to be a year of big changes, it seems to be going fast.  We are retiring to Wisconsin in the fall.  In the spring we are building a tiny house in Wisconsin while we live in Virginia so it is going to be very stressful.  Just plain moving is stressful but we are quitting our jobs.  My husband has a pension so there will be a small income coming in.  I will need to find a job.  Mostly to feed my cross stitch projects and book reading.  I am starting a mental spiritual detox program my sister recommended.  It is by Sunny Dawn Johnston.  I am not going to be able to follow it verbatim because I don't believe as she does.  Today is the first day and she references praying to the Arch Angel Michael.  I believe that the Arch angel Michael is Jesus.  I also believe that you pray only to God in Jesus name.  See what I mean by not being able to follow "to the letter".

So here are her journal questions for the day.

What does maintaining your own energy mean to you?  I take this to mean I am or should be in control of myself and do what I need to do to stay "in tune".  Although I have to admit I really don't know how to go about that.

How easy is it for you to observe other people’s experiences? I don't think this is a really hard thing for me to do.  But if someone is deeply hurting because of a death, I feel that very deeply.

Are you aware of the moment when you take on someone else’s energy?  I do not think I am self aware of doing this.  I think as a kid I stole people's energy to build my self esteem up.  My self esteem took a beating from "the popular kids" and mother.  So I think I turned that on my friends.  Who are no longer friends.  I also noticed that I didn't keep many friends from my childhood.  Due to Facebook, I can see that a great number of my classmates are still in their "cliques".  

Are there people in your life you avoid because they drain your energy?I have avoided a dear friend because she is draining.  I think it was a good thing I moved away.  Her marriage was always on the rocks and she has repaired her relationship and they are doing well.  Although she has stopped using his given name and calls him Chef now.  Drives me nuts but she evidently needs to call attention to his profession to feel good.  So I have to accept that.  One of my sisters can get very negative and mean, once in awhile I have to back away from her.  She is still so angry with me for leaving 8 years ago.  My female coworker is a bigot and full of self importance.  I have to back away from her a lot.  Mostly because I want to scream at her, "shut up, shut up, shut up.  There are only 4 of us in the office and I need to keep our relationship friendly so that we may work together.  If there were 25 of us in the office, I would do whatever I could to avoid her.

How can you incorporate maintaining your own energy into your DAILY life? At this point in my life I have to say I really don't know how to answer this.  Maybe that is what listening to OA meetings does for me.  Also, reading and stitching.  I just don't know yet.

That is it for today.