12/3/15 updates.

Hey Everyone,

I haven't been blogging because I have felt so "poor me" and I don't need to bring that depression to anyone.

So some updates.  I am no longer doing Stitch from Stash updates as it has been disbanded.  I really enjoyed it and it did reign my spending in.  I don't have a picture of my latest project which is a 5 X 7 of a Sunflower.  For my sunflower kitchen.

We drove home to Wisconsin over the Thanksgiving week.  I found a property and builder in New Richmond, WI.  We put our money down on a lot and picked a very small house to be built.  It is only 2 bedrooms and no basement.  It is tiny but we needed to keep the price and upkeep low as we will be unemployed and heading out into retirement.  We are too young to actually retire so we need to find jobs next fall.  We should close on it June 30, 2016.  It hasn't been started yet but here is a picture of the one next door to our lot.  It is just like it and is in the process of being built:

I am very excited about it.  Also a little scared about it being so small.  My brother-in-law has a home building background so I am hoping to find plans for a deck and screen porch that I can hire him to do at a low cost.  It is so small it has me wondering about all the stitching projects I have lined up.  I don't think I have enough wall space for them.  LOL.  But I do know once we get moved in we will be having a massive downsizing garage sale.

News on my hip.  I found a doctor who will give me a hip replacement despite my weight.  January 6th is the big day.  I hope nothing changes that.  The pain has been excruciating. Some days I just can't stop crying it hurts so bad. Going from sitting to standing is so painful. The ride on the subway train is a killer.  It is such a herky-jerky ride.  I can barely walk when it is time to get off.  I take so much ibuprofin that sometimes I get sick from that.

I quit weight watchers and started Medifast.  This is one of those diets where you eat their food. Since both programs cost money I can't do both.  The food is disgusting. So I only eat the bars which is like eating candy.  That goes against everything I have learned in Overeaters Anonymous.  With that program you give up foods that trigger binges and candy is one of mine.  Basically it is 1200 calories a day.  I am also suppose to drink 64 ounces of water a day.  Just can't seem to do that.  To try to help with losing weight I have cut back on my anti-depressant that I take.  Can't tell if it is helping or hurting me.  I have lost about 9 pounds.

I read an article last Sunday that was about creativity and doing something for 365 days.  One lady does a different hair braid on herself or someone else.  One lady made tiny chairs out of different stuff.  The object is to finish the project each day.  I was thinking as I was reading that I do Cross stitch a bit every day.  But I don't finish for a long time.  Reading the Bible daily is an awesome goal too but again you don't finish.  There was nothing creative that popped into my head.  Then the article said writing everyday was another creative 365 day thing you could do.  That made me think I could start being more reliable about my blog and that may get my juices flowing.  We shall see how that goes.

December 3rd scripture: Luke 9: 1,2  He called the 12 together and gave them power and authority over all the demons and to cure diseases.  And he sent them out to preach the Kingdom of God and to heal.

OA's Voices of Recovery: Pray to God but continue to row to shore.

Thanks for listening.

10/26/15 Stitch from Stash update

Hi All,

I haven't posted in quite a while.  My Stitch from Stash update for October is:
Spent zero
Earned $12.00

I have gotten to block 11 of Save the Stitches.  I have decided to stop at this level.  As I have stitched this, I have loved it, but I have been constantly wondering what I am going to do with it.  In its completed form it is 3 feet long.  So I decided to stop at this size and have it framed.  I have 2 little spots to do that I think will make it look complete to me.

As I was stitching it it popped into my head that it was like a snowflakes or ice crystals because no 2 blocks are the same.  That and the color of this reminded me of the glacier in Alaska.  It is blue because of the minerals in it.  So I am calling this my glacier ice crystals.

I framed my owl from last month too,

I haven't posted much because I feel like I am being so "woe is me",  My left hip is killing me with pain but I can't have surgery because of my weight.  I feel like I am constantly spiraling in a circle of pain.  Had a meltdown last week and took 2 days off work.  That is so not me.

Happy stitching in November.

9/24/15 Stitch from Stash Update

Here is my September reporting.

Spent $11.44 on floss and aida
Earned $6.00 for the owl

I took a Buccilla kit on vacation with me and was so disappointed in the floss, I went to Walmart and replaced it with DMC.

Since I finished the owl, I am going back to my Save the Stitches project.  I think I will work on that for awhile.

That's all for today.

9/23/15 lots to say & 6 more lbs gone

I haven't posted in a few days and I have so much to say.  Prepare to be bored.  LOL  First thing I did was change my page nickname to my real first name.  So instead of Dizzy it now says Dianne.

On Friday morning I had my cortisone shot at the hospital.  Wasn't the worst pain I have ever endured but it was not pleasant either.   They inject a pain killer into the area and then they stick in the BIG needle for the cortisone.  I had to have more pain killer.  Laying on that operating table for so long caused my back muscles to spasm when I got up.  They said since I was loaded up with pain killers in my leg, to be careful, to not overdo things.  To go home and take it easy.  I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and just picked up salad fixings.  By the time I got home, I just didn't feel great.  Not really sick.  More like depressed and down.  I had a low grade temperature and a slight headache.   No energy.  So I had microwave popcorn for lunch and dinner.

My husband was gone all week for work so I didn't eat big meals at all.  I basically cleaned out the fridge and freezer of leftovers.  I felt really good about my eating and sticking to the 30 points weight watchers allows me.

Remember when I told you that I was getting an OA sponsor Kelly.  Well she insisted I have a doctor approved food plan and that I plan out my meals the night ahead and report them too her.  This does work for a lot of people.  But I have been using OA to stop the obsessing about food and I feel it has really helped but in the few days of working with Kelly I found myself thinking about food constantly.  I felt like I was back sliding.  So I sent her an email Monday morning and told her I just wasn't ready for this program.  Not all OA sponsors work that way so it is not a program that is required.  I had such a good food day Monday.  I ate my WW breakfast, had a gluten free burrito for lunch, a banana for snack and pork chop and cauliflower for supper.  Had a 90 calorie Fiber One bar for a snack in the evening.  I felt so good.  No feelings of starving and needing to binge.  

I weighed in at WW on Tuesday morning.  6 lbs down.  So excited.  A total of 16 lbs.  I wanted to call my sisters and celebrate.  Since they both fight with weight issues too, I decided it would be mean and seem like I was gloating.  But I was super excited.  This is a huge accomplishment for me.  I need to keep going.  I need to get this weight off.

On to different things.  I was the winner of a gift package from Sharon at the blog Seaside Stitcher.

I love the little lantern.  I have these battery tealights from my niece's wedding and so the lantern won't get hot. I love candle light so this is perfect in our living room.  I have already used the hand lotion and lip gloss.  There was also these pretty pink clothes pins that I am going to try to use with my big Save the Stitches project.  I need help holding the excess material.  So thank you so very much Sharon.  I love everything.  Check out her blog.  Link is above.  She has a post about her dog.  It is adorable.

In the cross stitch arena I have been working on the baby owl to send to my niece.    I made the baby fox for her sister and I wanted to send them both out at the same time.  Well the niece that the baby fox is for has made some really bad choices.  If I send it to her now it will seem like a reward and I think she is being punished.  She is 16.  No drivers license.  Took her mother's car without permission and nearly ran another driver off the road texting and then crashed the car.  She is okay despite not wearing a seat belt.  One bad decision after another.  So you can see why sending a gift right now would be in bad taste.  But here is a picture of the owl.

 He is very cute.

I think I have babbled on enough now.  Thanks for reading my blog.

9/16/15 Not too bad

I went to Weight Watchers yesterday.  I hadn't been there since 7/23/15.  At that time I was down 11 pounds.  Yesterday I was still down 10.2 pounds.  Only a small gain.  What a great feeling. (I thought for sure I had gained it all back)    I have had 2 days of abstinence so far.  I consider abstinence to be staying on my food plan and no binges or grazing in the evening.

I didn't make it to Bible Study last night but I did call in and follow along while listening on the phone.  Feel good about that too.

I spoke with a woman (from OA) on the phone yesterday.  She is going to work with me.  So relieved to have a guide.  First assignment is to go back to the AA Big Book and read the doctors opinion in the front.  Second assignment list the food that I cannot control.  Foods that I can't just have a taste of but I have to eat all of it.

Here is what I have so far: pizza, potato chips (or any kind of snack like that such as Cheetos or Doritos), french fries, pastires, soda, ice cream, orange juice, assorted chocolates (like in a box of candy).
These would be considered "trigger" foods.  While any diet plan will possibly say you can have any of these things just with moderation.  I really can't have these foods because they cause me to eat out of control.

Today I am grateful for the people who read my blog and send their support, Kelly from OA who is willing to help me, and my sisters that listen to me whine.

For today:  I will try to stay positive and upbeat.  Going for day 3 of my food plan!

9/15/15 Emotional Roller Coaster

Hi Everyone,

What a crazy emotional roller coaster I have been on for the last few days.  Some back story, In May I tripped on the streets of DC and really hurt my right leg. One day while I was recovering and favoring my right leg the escalator at the Metro was not working and so I was walking down the escalator stairs.  I felt a pain rip through my left upper thigh.  In June I knew something was wrong with my hip.  I had a doctor appointment for something else so I mentioned my hip hurt so much.  My doctor told me it wasn't my hip but a groin injury and it would take a long time to heal. They took X-rays and said I did have arthritis in my hips. (that's nothing new, I have arthritis everywhere) Well by the time August came around the pain wasn't better but worse.  At times I couldn't even stand up from a sitting position.  My husband threw a hissy fit so I made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. On Friday that doctor told me I needed a hip replacement.  So I cried and felt sorry for myself.  But the range of motion test he did on my leg has made my pain so intense that I was coming to grips with the idea of surgery.  Anything to relieve this pain.  I cannot go from a sitting to a standing position without intense pain.

Okay, now for the humiliating part.  I went to see the orthopedic surgeon Monday.  I cannot have surgery as I weigh too much.  I am going for a cortisone shot for temporary relief.   I am so embarrassed and humiliated. I had to talk to my husband and tell him.   This is usually where my eating for comfort comes in.  I stayed on my food plan yesterday despite this news!

I have been avoiding weight watchers for the last couple weeks.  I am going to go weigh in today.  I have to do this.  I have to get my weight down.  So back I go.  I am still listening to OA meetings.  I am looking for an OA sponsor to work with me too.  Getting the weight down will possibly lessen some of this pain too.

My husband is traveling for work so I had my conversation with him over the phone.  I wasn't truly honest.  I never came out and said I am too fat.  It's not like he doesn't know but I just couldn't say it out loud to him.  But we talked about our food choices and he has put on a bunch of weight too.  So we talked about eating better and to stop snacking. I am going to start riding my stupid exercise bike too. So it was a good conversation.

I am working my goals this week.  I went to Sunday worship.  I am going to Bible study tonight.  I am going to Weight Watchers today.  I am praying for abstinence from over eating.

Today I am grateful for my husband, my family and my job.  I am grateful for the painful eye opening I got yesterday.

Thank you for listening.

09/11/15 I'm back

Hello,

Wisconsin was awesome.  I loved being home.  My husband and I drove all over looking for an area he would like to move to.  We drove all over St. Croix County.  We went to Menomonie and River Falls too.  He didn't really like anything.  This was quite depressing to me.  The area is beautiful and I found so many places I would love to live.  It is so much nicer than Washington DC.  I fear that he will never be happy.  He has not had a great life and his job is awful.  His PTSD is getting worse.  But again, I loved everything Wisconsin.  I got to hang out with some of the ladies that use to work for me and we have become such wonderful friends.  My brother and sisters were all together for the first time in about 12 years.  My brother has been sober for about 3 or 4 months.  A MIRACLE!!  He is so much more fun when he is sober.  He has a great sense of humor.

Bottom line is I am excited to move back.  It will be in August 2016 or August 2017.  Depends on how long my husband can hang on to his job without going bat-poop crazy,

I received a beautiful necklace from Esmeralda in Holland. I love it.  Here is a picture of the charms.

I picked up my Baby Fox.  I am loving the framing. The picture isn't very good.  It has a yellow mat under the green mat. and a beautiful wood frame. I can't send it to my niece until I finish the owl for her sister.  I don't want to cause a jealousy rift.  I then have 2 projects to do for my 2 other nieces.

I think it will be quite a while before I get back to my projects for my self.  I took a sunflower Buccilla kit on vacation with me to sort the threads out.  I got so frustrated with the color chart and the tangled floss that I looked up a Buccilla floss to DMC conversion chart and went to Walmart and bought all new floss and threw the Buccilla floss out.  I only got a few stitches in so it has gone back into the storage drawer for now.

As for my weight goals, I ate too much food in Wisconsin.  We ate out for every meal.  Amazing how fast 10 pounds can go on and how painfully slow it comes off.


OA for Today: I know and accept that who I am and what I have  - my family, friends, job, home, husband - are exactly what I want for today.

Such a true sentiment.

OA Voices of Recovery:  Reach out for emotional nourishment with people not food.