9/15/15 Emotional Roller Coaster

Hi Everyone,

What a crazy emotional roller coaster I have been on for the last few days.  Some back story, In May I tripped on the streets of DC and really hurt my right leg. One day while I was recovering and favoring my right leg the escalator at the Metro was not working and so I was walking down the escalator stairs.  I felt a pain rip through my left upper thigh.  In June I knew something was wrong with my hip.  I had a doctor appointment for something else so I mentioned my hip hurt so much.  My doctor told me it wasn't my hip but a groin injury and it would take a long time to heal. They took X-rays and said I did have arthritis in my hips. (that's nothing new, I have arthritis everywhere) Well by the time August came around the pain wasn't better but worse.  At times I couldn't even stand up from a sitting position.  My husband threw a hissy fit so I made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. On Friday that doctor told me I needed a hip replacement.  So I cried and felt sorry for myself.  But the range of motion test he did on my leg has made my pain so intense that I was coming to grips with the idea of surgery.  Anything to relieve this pain.  I cannot go from a sitting to a standing position without intense pain.

Okay, now for the humiliating part.  I went to see the orthopedic surgeon Monday.  I cannot have surgery as I weigh too much.  I am going for a cortisone shot for temporary relief.   I am so embarrassed and humiliated. I had to talk to my husband and tell him.   This is usually where my eating for comfort comes in.  I stayed on my food plan yesterday despite this news!

I have been avoiding weight watchers for the last couple weeks.  I am going to go weigh in today.  I have to do this.  I have to get my weight down.  So back I go.  I am still listening to OA meetings.  I am looking for an OA sponsor to work with me too.  Getting the weight down will possibly lessen some of this pain too.

My husband is traveling for work so I had my conversation with him over the phone.  I wasn't truly honest.  I never came out and said I am too fat.  It's not like he doesn't know but I just couldn't say it out loud to him.  But we talked about our food choices and he has put on a bunch of weight too.  So we talked about eating better and to stop snacking. I am going to start riding my stupid exercise bike too. So it was a good conversation.

I am working my goals this week.  I went to Sunday worship.  I am going to Bible study tonight.  I am going to Weight Watchers today.  I am praying for abstinence from over eating.

Today I am grateful for my husband, my family and my job.  I am grateful for the painful eye opening I got yesterday.

Thank you for listening.