A new week 08/10/15

Last week was a horrible week and I should have reached out to someone instead of wallowing in whatever it was that I was wallowing in.  I ate badly all week.  I didn't binge like I have in the past but I did not make good choices.  I sabotaged myself like I always do.

This is such a small thing in the scope of all the real problems people have.  There are only 4 people in my office.  That includes me.  2 of them were gone last week so it was just me and M.  She is so hard to deal with.  If there were 20 of us in the office I would just do what I could to avoid her. Her cube is next to mine.  She talks constantly. She has done everything, she has an opinion on everything and she is always right.  She is a bigot too.  No one is off limits to her bigotry.  She has something against every group of people.  Once I tried to call her on it.  She had made a derogatory remark about firemen not being able to make smart decisions.  It burned with me all night so I confronted her by email.  She came to me and apologized but yet she turned it around that I misunderstood.  I did not.  So last week I think she insulted Jews, factory workers, blacks, hispanics, Texans and Canadians.  In an office this small I am not comfortable standing up for all the people in the world.  It would be too exhausting.  So instead,  I just got more and more depressed as the week went on.  I didn't get to listen to my OA meetings and that made me sad too.  OMGosh, I am embarrassed at how I can allow another person to affect me so badly.  I think she is like my mother and that in itself probably helps to paralyze me from dealing with her.

I started this week by saying good-bye to my husband.  He is on assignment for work.  He is the United States this time so that is good but he still has to carry a gun so there is always danger. Everyone is back at work so M won't be blabbing constantly.  She holds back when the boss is there. Lots of things I want to accomplish with my honey gone.  Mostly I want to achieve abstinence again.

I am hoping to get myself on track this week.  What I took from today's OA meetings was rely on God for everything.  Turn everything over to him.  The Bible says do not rely upon your own understanding and that is what a OA member brought out today.  She said she needs to rely on God and not herself because relying on herself had gotten her to this unhealthy place.  How true!

I finished my cross stitch fox for my niece.  I will have a picture at the end of the month.  I am going to start on an owl for another niece and I have 2 ideas for my other 2 nieces that I haven't fully gotten planned yet.

I think I read 3 books last week by Debbie Macomber.  Easy reads.  This week I am reading The Whistling Season.